What’s the most American thing you can think of? Probably baseball right? Okay, what’s the 2nd most American thing you can think of? You’d probably say ridiculous food items right….? Right. So, by my flawless logic the most ridiculously American thing out there would be the outrageous food items at a baseball game. And who doesn’t love those things!? So we here at SideLeague have ranked, by team, the most ridiculous food purchases you can make at a ball game this year. Let’s take a look!
#10 – New York Yankees: There’s nothing too ridiculous about the Yankees food choices, it is number 10 out of 10 after all. This year they have ‘Coconut Rum Glazed BBQ Ribs’, which seems a little much for a baseball game but I’m a fat kid at heart so I applaud the effort.
#9 – Boston Red Sox: This year at Fenway Park they’ll introduce the ‘Breakfast Burger’ which is a burger topped with mozzarella, egg, onions & special sauce. This is pretty low on the list because again, not too ridiculous. But it is indeed a lot for a baseball game.
#8 – Cincinnati Reds: This year the Reds will unleash ‘The Chipper’. It’s like nachos but with potato chips instead! Topped with pulled pork, nacho cheese, jalepenos and red onions! I like this at number 8 because the ridiculous is starting to ramp up just a bit. Potato chips instead of tortillas? That’s what I’m talking about.
#7 – Detroit Tigers: The Motor City Kitties give us the ‘Poutine Dog’. This loses a couple of points because poutine is a Canadian dish, but regardless of food nationality this is still kind of ridiculous. French fries, cheese curds AND beef gravy on top of a hot dog! Pass the Tums because I’m having 2 if I’m ever in Detroit.
#6 – Philadelphia Phillies: Philadelphia likes to throw cheese whiz on things, so they were all “let’s throw it on a hot dog with bacon!” So American. So ridiculous.
#5 – Houston Astros: The Astros may not be bringing it when it comes to being competitive in baseball, but they’ll for sure give you a run when it comes to their food game. Their Texas Hold’Em sandwich gives you BBQ chicken, cheddar cheese, tomato, fries AND cole slaw on Texas toast.
#4 – Pittsburgh Pirates: This starts the creme de la creme. The most ridiculous if you will. The Pittsburgh Pirates will offer a MASSIVE grilled cheese they’ll call ‘The Closer’. This bad boy had NINE different cheeses and candied bacon. I don’t even know what candied bacon is but it’s in a big ol’ grilled cheese and I know that I want it.
#3 – Arizona Diamondbacks: Arizona is so American and ridiculous they’ve got TWO options for your overindulgent self. First off, we’ve got the ‘Venom Dog.‘ It’s a foot long habanero sausage with beans, guacamole and sour cream. This thing may give you some serious heartburn but I’m pretty sure it’d be worth it. But wait! There’s more! The D-Backs will also give us a delicacy titled the ‘D-Bat Dog.’ The powers that be in Arizona must have hired evil geniuses to come up with their food options this year. This bad boy is a corn dog, STUFFED with bacon, cheese and jalapenos. It’s $25 AND 18 INCHES! IT ALSO COMES WITH FRENCH FRIES! This makes the perfect first date entree. You guys can share this dish & have Pepto Bismol for dessert.
#2 – Texas Rangers: The Rangers are no strangers to the ridiculously American ballpark food game, this year they break us off with the ‘Choomongous’. You’re looking at a $26 TWO foot asian-spiced beef sandwich topped with spicy slaw and sriacha. Throw in one of their frozen beers and you’ll have to take a nap in no time!
#1 – Chicago White Sox: The Chicago White Sox are my winners of the most ridiculously American ballpark food for the 2014 season. Why? Bacon on a stick. That’s not all. The White Sox will offer a THREE POUND banana split. This bad boy features 4 scoops of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream (12 scoops total), creamy caramel and strawberry sauces, chocolate syrup and finished with whipped cream & cherries. The best part? It comes in a helmet you can take home & put on your mantle after you’ve conquered this beast of a dessert. I’m sure there’s a brave soul out there who will try to succeed and crush the entire 3 pound dessert, only to follow it up with a 6 hour brain freeze/stomach ache. Makes me jealous that I’m lactose intolerant.
Here’s to America! The only country that allows us to do this to ourselves.